~MEN'S DEODORANT MARKETER CAN'T SLEEP

Men's deodorant marketer, Andy Barber, couldn't sleep a wink Tuesday night trying to think of a name for a new type of Right Guard deodorant, sources reported.

"Blue Electric Mountain Crush...." Barber muttered to himself as he flipped through stations on his TV. "No no no... 'Icy DropKick Plunge'!". Glassy-eyed and defeated Barber then went and stared out his front window.

Such mental racking doesn't come as a surprise to John Willis of the United States Patent Office who says that the source for men's deodorant names is quickly turning into a dry well. "For a while there we were getting a couple hundred a week. You know, "Fresh Mountain", "Icy Sport", "Tundra"....that kinda thing. But lately they've really been reaching. They're gonna have to start using numbers and symbols to name their brands, or something. I mean, look at this one from Gillette: "Killer Kold Rock Star Fantasia". You believe that? That's strong enough for a man but PH balanced for utter failure."

Meanwhile, back at his home, Barber was staring at the ceiling above his bed for an answer, passing in and out of sleep. "Polar Bear Roar!...oh, that's weak...What about "Comet Cosmic Clean!"

"Ugh...I miss college" Barber added. "Good times, good times."

The 34 year old father of two finally let himself drift off to sleep after settling on "Eskimo Killer Robots Explosion of Ice Shards!"