~LANE OF TRAFFIC NEEDS NEW LEADERSHIP

The participants of a lane of traffic, southbound, all agreed unanimously that they require fresh leadership, sources reported late Thursday.

"Ford F-250 what's happened to you?," Darlene Shaker, driver of the black Volvo muttered under her breath. "Look at you. You've totally lost your nerve."

"Merge man, merge! Why aren't you merging??", yelled out Rick Wynn as he punched the steering wheel of his Impala. "Just because it's 'the end of late fees' at BlockBuster doesn't mean I don't have places to go!"

The lane of traffic, formed loosely of IBM workers, Friendly's waitresses, United Steel workers and Border's books employees, has been drively smoothly together during rush hour since last september when the new section of I-40 was opened. Even in rough weather F-250 has successfully, yea bravely, led them through tense construction areas, sticky on ramp/off ramp congestions and traffic accidents but late Thursday, upon encountering the scene of an accident between a Geo Metro and a white-tailed deer, the F-250 showed unacceptable indecision.

"He had no idea what to do," reported Corky Gibson. "He was just like that deer. Froze in the headlights. We all waited for a few seconds out of anticipation and respect but were pretty relieved when the Silver Acura sprang into action and led us on into the breakdown lane and past the scene of the accident. No one really looked at F-250 when we drove past...but I did. He was looking straight ahead in shock, his face drained of color."

"I saw him once at a gas station filling up his truck", Gibson reported wistfully, taking a long sip from his Starbucks travel mug. "He had keys, cellphone and a leatherman on his belt...the trifecta! I thought 'dang, what a leader' but I guess even the best leaders reach the point where they become ineffective."

"Plus", Gibson added. "I'm really excited to see what that 8 cylinder Acura can do at the intersection by the mall. No more slow starts, stranding the Taurus and Blazer behind. We're all gonna make it home in time for Jeopardy tomorrow."