~VICTIM OF HOUSE FIRE NAILS HIS LINES

Local man Patrick Weinman, the victim of a devastating house fire, nailed his lines late Friday night while standing in front of the smoldering ruins of his two-story house sources close to the incident reported.

"What's important is that everyone is okay", Weinman told reporters standing in a bathrobe wearing one slipper while his other bare foot stood in a puddle of sooty water. "You can always replace possessions but you can't replace lives."

"Sure we lost some of our nice things," the computer programmer said without missing a beat, "but as long as Susie, Jeff and Caroline are okay then we can rebuild and move on."

With only slight prodding from a veteran firefighter Weinman forced a smile and added: "I guess this is what insurance is for."

"I thought he did great. Real good effort," firefighter Tom Moreland said. "Even with the burnt, ashen remains of his parent's love letters from World War II fluttering to the ground around him he still was composed enough to remember his lines."

"The kid is a natural", Moreland added. "You can't teach that."

"I agree", chimed in Sheriff Kirk Patchman who arrived on the scene just as the fire was being put out. "I was at a house fire last week where the lady just crumpled into a heap on her lawn and shook violently as the timbers of her house fell in on themselves and you could hear her fine China being smashed. When people lose every dear possession they have you feel bad. But when, on top of that, they freeze in the headlights and can't give the newspapers a good quote...well that's just awful to watch."

"But this guy tonight must have eaten his Wheaties," Patchman said as he stared at the smoke rising up above the treetops. "It's going to be my honor to drive him and his family over to the Best Western tonight."