~INJURED YOUTH PASTOR CARED FOR BY LOCAL FAMILY

"We think it got hit by a car," Roy Grant told reporters early Saturday morning about the hurt youth pastor they found in the road. "Its leg looks broken. But we'll make sure it gets the TLC it needs to get back to spreading the gospel soon."

The Grant family - which is comprised of father Roy, mother June, son Daniel and daughter Kelly - have placed the male Youth Pastor (Presbyterius Outdoorrecius) in a box in their garage and have been feeding him a steady diet of power bars and Red Bull energy drink, the only foods he responds to.

"Look at the little fella go," June said giggling as she brought the Nalgene bottle to his lips and watched him suck the Red Bull down. "Kelly, hold back his curly blond locks of hair."

"Can we keep him Mommy? Can we, can we?"

"Haha...We'll see honey. We'll see"

The Grants found the Youth Pastor in the road late Friday night when they were returning from a movie. He was unconscious and the pieces of a shattered acoustic guitar lay all aroud him.

"At first we thought he was just slain in the spirit but then we noticed the bruises to his leg and torso and the blood dripping from beneath his bandana. Poor little guy."

Several local pastors have been contacted but all have said that their youth pastors are accounted for.

"He probably got seperated from a kayaking trip or something," surmised local Methodist minister Chuck Rubin. "I suggested to the Grants that they check the pockets of his EMS cargo shorts for any sort of indentifying object but they couldn't find anything. When Brice, my youth pastor, went missing last year luckily he had a movie ticket stub for Van Helsing in his pocket which had the name and number of our local movie theatre on it."

All the Grants can do now is wait: Wait for his handlers to come and find him or wait for him to get strong enough to communicate through vague anecdotes or a puppet show where his home is.

"Sure is a cute guy," Roy said as he scratched him behind the ears. "But he's certainly not a pure-bred. Looks like he went to Calvin for a couple of years and then transferred to Wheaton or something."