~APPLE INTRODUCES NEW iGOD; Humanity told to "Worship this"

Apple introduced the new Apple iGod yesterday to much fanfare.

"With its bright LCD screen, portability, sleek design and 20GB memory capacity the new iGod is as functional as it is omniscient."Announched Apple CEO, and High Priest, Steve Jobs. "Bow down, humanity. Bow down and worship the new iGod."

"Do it now", Jobs added.

Response to the new product was mixed:

"I love my iGod," exclaimed marketing representative Nicole Booth. "With my busy lifestyle there was less and less time in my life for religion. But now with the new iGod I can take my deity everywhere. From the subway to the office to the gym, I am never far from my Lord who guides and protects and entertains me…My Lord and the new Black-Eyed Peas single. That stuff is hot!"

But Doctor of religion at the University of Connecticut Peter Clyde expressed some dismay. "The invention of the iGod brings to the surface many questions about human existence and our place in the universe. If I own two iGods, does that make me a polytheist? And can you take it swimming with you? I think not and what kind of god is that?"

Despite such questions Apple stresses that sales will be brisk with high customer satisfaction and are gearing up for the huge "tithe once" ad campaign.

"A one-time tithe of $299.00 and you're in the flock permanently," Steve Jobs says in the promo ad. "And if you’re feeling particularly pious for another mere $50.00 you can upgrade to the iPostle and enjoy wireless e-mail and...praying...yes praying. That's the ticket."

“This is one Apple Eve would have been proud to have forced upon Adam…” Jobs goes on. “Do it now.”

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