~WAL-MART UNVEILS NEW 'DISPOSABLE WAL-MART'

In an attempt to become more "nimble", Wal-mart announced this week its plan to open up several disposable versions of its popular superstores. These stores will be stocked one time only and will be located in small towns all over the USA.

"We really wanted to seek out ways to better serve the people of this great country" said Vice President of Expansion Kreig Leclair as he was pitching in at the grand opening of a disposable Wal-mart in Heald, Ohio (pop. 2100). "Before today the fine people of Heald would've had to have driven 25 miles to Grover (pop. 23,000) to buy this Creed CD", the Vice President said holding the disc up for all to see. "But now they can have it almost instantly."

"Let us take you higher", Leclair said as the crowd oooohed and awwwwwed.

"But only 3 of you." He quickly added. "That's all the Creed CDs we have. That’s all the Creed CDs we're gonna have."

Each disposable Wal-mart will employ approximately 30 people and will be constructed of a clay-based substance which will simply melt away with the spring rains.

"Even after this structure has long been ecologically added into your fields and streams and your 30 or so town mates have hung up their blue vests," Leclair said as he addressed the crowd which had come to see the grand opening, "it warms my heart to think of these items still being bought and sold at your various yard and garage sales for years and years to come." Beginning to cry tears of happiness Leclair leaned into the microphone and said "clean up on aisle 12", as he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed his eyes.

-The crowd erupted in Disney-like laughter and applause-

Many in the town could barely contain their material-driven consumer frenzy; "I came to stock up on double-stuff Oreos, some Ensure weight-loss formula and a bathroom scale" said longtime resident Beth Levine, 38. "That'll cover my roller-coaster, emotional attitudes about my weight for almost a year!"

"Me?", asked Marty Wood, 67. "Well I suppose I'll get me a dishpan drainer or something. Some Halloween costumes maybe. Ooh look! A battery-tester for only $26.99."

Many in the economic community are agreeing that this is a marketing coup. "This is genius", says Professor of economics at Georgetown, James Wynne. "Although if they were going to be honest they'd admit they got the idea from Ames which had been doing disposable stores for years."